


Your heart is in your chest again, not hanging from your sleeve

by maanorchidee



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, M/M, Medical Procedures, Mental Instability, Next to Normal inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2019-01-01 01:13:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12145362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maanorchidee/pseuds/maanorchidee
Summary: Blaine's always been Kurt's best friend and they only grew closer after the death of Kurt's mother. Only Kurt's forgotten that his mother isn't the only one who was taken from him.





	Your heart is in your chest again, not hanging from your sleeve

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I am publishing this fanfic? I wrote this fanfic when I rediscovered Next to Normal for the first time, and since I’m currently rediscovering for the second time, I reminded myself I once wrote a Klaine fic based on Next to Normal. It is not a crossover with the musical, but its story is the same as the fic’s.
> 
> If you’re familiar with the musical, this might be more logical and you’ll understand the “Major Character Death” a lot better. 
> 
> Disclaimer: even though this is based on Next to Normal, it is a more fictionalised version of the musical. I don’t have enough knowledge of the mental illnesses and the medical treatments that are mentioned in the musical/fic. I wrote this fic because I had the idea stuck in my head.

Death is a funny thing.

Little Kurt knows it. Ever since his dad came to pick him up from the hospital after his release, Kurt hasn’t seen his mother. On his way home, he doesn’t talk.

His mom isn’t going home with them. His mom is never going to be there again.

Back home, everything feels empty. So he flees.

He flees to the house across the road.

The house of his best friend: Blaine Anderson.

* * *

Ten years have passed since that fateful accident. Kurt’s mom picked him up from the playground after he and his friend Blaine played tag the entire day. On their way home, everything changed.

Kurt isn’t over it- he never will- but he is living again. He goes to school, goes to glee, hangs out with friends… all the normal things.

But some days, it hurts.

He’s sitting in Blaine’s room, waiting for him, crying.

“Kurt? Are you there?”

Blaine opens the door to his room and sees his best friend crying. He immediately rushes to him. “Oh my god, are you okay?” He sits down on the bed and wraps his arms around his best friend. “Is it your mom?”

On some days, Kurt still cries about the loss of his mother. His best friend always comforts him, that why he’s still often in Blaine’s house, even after the move. When his dad got a new girlfriend, they moved to a bigger house a couple of streets away.

But Kurt is eighteen, so he can drive.

His dad doesn’t mind and neither do the Andersons. They all know that Kurt still has trouble coping with the death of his mother and they’ve all accepted that Blaine’s room is his comfort zone.

“I miss her.”

“I know,” Blaine says softly and he lets his best friend cry.

* * *

“Where have you been?”

Burt Hummel crosses his arms when he finds his son trying to sneak upstairs. Kurt stares at him like a deer caught in headlights. “The Andersons,” Kurt admits, looking sorry, “Dad, I didn’t-” but his dad holds out his hand.

“It’s okay,” he says softly. He knows how much his son depends on that house, and especially the room of their son Blaine. When Burt and Carole were planning the move, Burt was a bit reluctant at first. It would mean that Kurt had to move away from the Anderson home.

But their old house really was too small for everyone. Finn mostly.

Kurt squeezes his hand before going upstairs.

Burt watches him go and sighs sadly. Kurt has been through a lot. Carole knows, of course, because Burt told her about Lis. Finn, on the other hand, doesn’t.  

Burt has his reservations about the fact that Kurt’s comfort zone is a house, but it has helped him cope. Burt was afraid of what could’ve happened to his son after the accident, but he is doing quite well.

* * *

“Hey stranger,” Kurt hears. He shuts his locker and he’s happy to see Blaine there.

“Well, hello there.”

“Should I walk you to glee club?” Blaine asks. Kurt shakes his head- he always declines out of protest. He can’t believe that Blaine hasn’t joined glee yet.

“Only when you also join me inside the choir room,” he reminds him. He knows that Blaine can sing. Kurt has heard him several times, but Blaine simply refuses to join. Kurt’s been trying to make him join for ages now, because he has promised the other New Directions members that he can do it. Also, Rachel might’ve threatened him.

“Then this is where I leave you,” Blaine pretends to bow.

Kurt just laughs.

Kurt’s about to turn away when Blaine calls out:  “Hey Kurt, I might not want to join you in the choir room, but I still hope you want to join me at Breadstix this evening.”

Kurt’s jaw drops.

Did Blaine just ask him out?

* * *

Yes, he did.

* * *

“This is the best thing that has ever happened to me!” Kurt says happily.

Blaine just kisses him. Kurt feels like glowing. “You do realise I have to go home, right?”

Blaine pouts.

“I’m gonna tell them today,” Kurt then says, and Blaine pulls back.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I mean, if that is okay with you?”

“No, no, it’s totally okay with me!” Blaine quickly says, “It’s just that we started going out a couple of days ago, so this is all still new to me.”

Kurt smiles and kisses his boyfriend –his boyfriend!- goodbye. When he goes downstairs, someone is waiting. Someone who has been absent for weeks.

“Kurt?”

“Coop?”

Ever since Cooper moved to LA, Kurt has seen him less and less often. He still stops by every now and then, but everyone knows Cooper doesn’t want to go home. So to see him now is very confusing. It’s not Christmas or Thanksgiving. It’s no one’s birthday. He’s just here.

“What were you doing upstairs?” Cooper asks, and  _oh god, he doesn’t know yet._ Kurt smiles. Maybe Blaine will tell him.

“Was in your brother’s room,” he says, hoping Cooper gets the hint.

And apparently he does, because his expression changes. “Oh, that’s uh, oh…” Cooper trails off. He didn’t expect that! Kurt leaves, grinning.

A confused Cooper watches him go, and then he rushes upstairs to his brother’s room.

* * *

He’s gonna tell his family today. It feels so official.

“Why are you beaming like that, bud?” His dad has noticed. Kurt just smiles.

Carole and Finn sit down too. Rachel, who was invited by Finn, takes her time. She’s been talking non-stop, so Carole doesn’t really mind.

“And why are you happy?” Rachel asks Kurt.

“Rachel, sit down already,” Finn says.

Dinner goes easily. Kurt cannot stop grinning, but he doesn’t want to tell them. Not yet.

“Okay, are you going to tell us what’s going on, kid?” Burt eventually exclaims, “I’ve been trying to figure out why you’re so happy for the past twenty minutes. Did you get a solo in glee today?” At the word solo, Rachel’s head immediately jerks towards Kurt. Finn also seems curious.

“No, no,” Kurt laughs, “Not a solo- I mean, I’d love too, but it’s even better.” Now he really has Rachel’s attention. She’s sitting on the edge of her seat. The only thing that stops her from toppling off her chair is Finn’s arm around her waist.

“I’m seeing someone.”

And Rachel topples of her chair.

Finn is openly gaping at him.

Carole looks surprised.

Burt’s reaction is… interesting.

Carole is the first to react. She puts her hand on her husband’s shoulder and shoots him a meaningful glare. Burt smiles, but it is obviously forced. He needs to get used to his son growing up.

“How amazing,” Carole says delighted. Even Finn seems to approve. Sometimes Kurt looks back on his freshmen year at McKinley. Finn has grown a lot (also a lot in height). Rachel immediately stars talking about her dads, but that was to be expected.

Burt, who has calmed down, nods and asks: “What’s his name?”

Kurt grins wider. “Oh dad, you know him already,” he says, which obviously intrigues his dad. But his dad is still looking at him expectantly.

“It’s Blaine.”

Rachel claps her hands.

Finn remembers the name.

Carole tells him that he needs to invite Blaine over for dinner too.

Only his dad doesn’t look happy. In fact, he looks like he’s just been shot in the face.

“A-Anderson?” he asks.

Kurt rolls his eyes and sighs deeply. “Of course him,” he says and gives his dad a look, “Dad, we’ve known him for over a decade, and it’s the only Blaine we know.”

Suddenly, Carole’s face changes too. She must’ve realized something. Finn and Rachel are oblivious to the obvious tension. Rachel is discussing double-date ideas with Finn, who is actually listening.

“Kurt, bud, we need to talk,” his dad says seriously.

Rachel goes silent when she sees the look on Burt’s face.

Finn notices and nudges Rachel.

Carole rests her head in her heads.

Burt stands up, food long forgotten, and looks very serious.

Kurt actually backs away. He didn’t realize his dad had a problem with him dating Blaine. He fishes his phone out of his pocket, wanting to text Blaine. The announcement has not gone as planned.

But to his surprise, his dad doesn’t look mad, angry, cross, furious- whatever. In fact, he looks sad. Very, very sad. Kurt can’t remember the last time he’s seen his father look this devastated. “…Dad?” he asks slowly.

Rachel is puzzled.

Finn asks his mother what is going on.

Carole doesn’t know what to tell him.

Burt puts his hand on his son shoulder and hangs his head.

“Kurt, buddy, I think we need to talk,” he says slowly, “Come on.” Kurt follows his dad to the kitchen. He has no idea what is going on. His dad looks tense- he hasn’t been this tense in years. He takes a deep breath and he obviously composes himself.

“Kurt, he’s not here,” he tells him vaguely.

“What?”

“Blaine, he is not here,” Burt continues.

But Kurt doesn’t listen to his dad anymore. Instead, he can hear the voices of his stepmother, stepson and his stepson’s girlfriend in the background.

“Mom, what is going on?”

“Finn, darling, it’s difficult,” Carole sounds exhausted, “You know how Kurt’s mother died right? She picked Kurt up from the playground…”

_“Did you have a lovely time?” Elisabeth Hummel asked her young son as she fastened her seatbelt._

_“The bestest!” Kurt yelled happily._

“She died on their way back home,” Kurt hears Carole choking up, “but what many do not know is that she wasn’t the only one who died that day.”

_“Absolutely, Mrs. Lissie!” Blaine gave her a thumbs-up, “Thanks a lot for the ride back home. Mommy would appriece it.”_

_“It’s app-re-ci-a-te,” Kurt corrected his best friend. Blaine stuck out his tongue and Elisabeth laughed._

_Blaine fastened his seatbelt too- he insisted on doing it himself since he’s a big boy now._

“Kurt and his best friend had spent the day there, with Elisabeth looking after them,” Carole continues, “They were almost back at home when the car in front of them stopped driving. Elisabeth- she hit the brakes and lost control and-”

_“Mommy!” Kurt yelled when his mother hit the brakes._

_“Kurt!” Elisabeth yelled back. She tried to grip the steering wheel again, but it was in vain. She had lost total control of the car. And it was spinning._

_“Kurt!” Blaine cried too._

_And then it was black._

“The paramedics rushed to the scene,” Carole says, and she isn’t the only one crying anymore. Kurt can hear Rachel’s signature sniffs. “They got Kurt and Elisabeth out of the car, and they rushed them to the hospital. Elisabeth didn’t make it.”

“And B-Blaine?” Finn asks, sounding unsure.

Carole remains silent.

_And Blaine? He was dead._

* * *

It’s been two weeks.

It’s been two weeks since Kurt and Blaine got together.

It’s been two weeks since his dad has told him that Blaine died years ago.

It’s been two weeks since Kurt completely freaked out and tried to call Blaine- only to find out that his number didn’t exist.

It’s been two weeks since Kurt rushed to his car and drove to the Anderson house- only to find out that no one lives in Blaine’s room. The Andersons had kept it in a proper state in remembrance of their son.

And in those two horrifying weeks, Blaine is still with him. He goes with him to his new psycho pharmacologist. He still follows him around in school. He still goes “home” when he isn’t with Kurt and so on.

Kurt now knows that he doesn’t have a home anymore. The room in the Anderson house will forever be empty. Blaine is dead and it is the awful truth.

But yet, Kurt refuses to admit it.

Sure, a lot more stuff suddenly makes sense. He understands now why Cooper still thinks it’s weird that Kurt goes up to Blaine’s room. He knows that there is a reason that Blaine only seems interesting in interacting with him, and that the others never seem to acknowledge him. He also gets now why Blaine never wanted Kurt to go to his mother’s grave. Every excuse or distraction was to keep him away from the cemetery, because then Kurt would’ve seen Blaine’s grave with his own eyes, including the dates 1994 – 2001.

But he keeps holding on to Blaine.

No one can take him away.

* * *

“We need to take that boy away from him!”

Burt Hummel looks up to Todd Anderson with tired eyes. The Andersons insisted on a conversation between the Hummels and the Andersons about the entire situation, because they feel it affects their family too. And Burt thinks Todd’s right. Even Cooper flew back from LA, because he said he needed to be there.

“Todd, he is our son,” Pamela says with teary eyes.

“ _Was_ our son, Pam,” Todd bites back, “Don’t think I like it, Pamela, don’t. But I moved on. It took me years and I still miss him – I always will – but I’m over his death. It’s time for Kurt to move on too.”

“I thought he had,” Burt sighs deeply, “But apparently, he was only over the death of his mother.”

“That is because he completely forgot that Blaine’s dead,” Cooper says, “Because according to him, he can still see him.”

“Has his new doctor said anything?”

Carole flips through the notes Kurt’s psycho pharmacologist has given her and Burt. “He says that Kurt’s told him that he can see Blaine in his late teens. He has given him a description of Blaine and he has even made several drawings of Blaine’s outfits, as presented here.”

She hands the drawings to the Andersons.

“Interesting fashion style,” Cooper says, mildly impressed by Kurt’s drawing abilities, “and if I’ve heard correctly, according to Kurt, the two of them were dating?” Todd grumbles something inaudible, but no one pays attention to him.

“He has so much information on ‘Blaine’,” Carole continues, “Phone numbers, car brands, hobbies and other interests… In a way, it is mind blowing. It must’ve been so real for Kurt.”

Cooper skims over the list. ‘Blaine’ owned an iPhone, but also owned a Samsung for emergencies, he drove around in a Volvo, he owns a ton of bowties, he loves boxing, he prefers Harry Potter over Lord of the Rings, his biggest dream is performing on Broadway, he reads and writes Star Wars fanfiction, he listens to Roxy Music… the list goes on.

“This is too much,” he hands the list to his mother.

Pamela also can’t grasp the fact that her boy has, in a way, grown up.

“What are we going to do?” Todd presses the matter, “We need to do something!”

But they all know they can’t. It’s all up to Kurt.

Todd Anderson sits back and sighs in defeat. It’s all up to Kurt, unless…

* * *

Todd Anderson is a smart man.

He’s a smart man with a lot of money and a lot of connections. He’s never used his privilege before, because he knew that Pamela and Cooper would never forgive him if they found out, but right now he has no other option.

“Are you sure you want to do this, mister…” the other man trails off. Todd hasn’t given him his name and he’s not planning on doing so.

“The boy has given you his consent?” the man asks, and Todd nods. He knows it’s a lie, but it’s the only way to help Kurt.

And Blaine.

Whatever he is.

“Well then,” the man goes through a stack of papers, “The only thing we need to do is forge his father’s signature.”

When the man leaves, Todd feels a pang of guilt.  No one can find out. Pam, Cooper, Burt and even Blaine.

When Todd’s sure no one’s around, he puts on his hat and leaves. No one has to know.

* * *

“Carole, dear?”

“Yes?”

“Where’s Kurt?”

* * *

Burt and Carole rush towards the hospital. Burt knows he probably broke some laws by driving that dangerously, but the moment he and Carole found out what was going on, they hopped in the car and drove off.

And then again, whoever did this broke the law too.

Carole is calling with her confused colleagues. They all tell her the same thing. According to the official,  _legal,_ records, Burt has consented the treatment. Kurt and an accompanying adult entered the hospital and no one thought it was strange.

The moment they enter the hospital, Burt is shouting and cursing. Carole tries to stay calm while talking to her colleagues, but she’s furious too. She’s worked at this hospital for years and she’s never seen something outrageous. She thought that the security of the hospital was amazing, but apparently she was horribly wrong.

What kind of hospital doesn’t double check something this big?

“Listen Nancy, tell them that if anything happens to my stepson, I resign.”

And with that said, she turns around and goes to her husband. But they both know it’s too late. Right now they just have to wait for Kurt to wake up.

ECT. Carole still can’t believe it.

* * *

“’Memory loss is normal’ my ass!” Burt says angrily, “I know it’s your job, Carole, but I’m gonna sue that place. Just you wait and see!”

Finn shakes his head.

“Burt, Burt, please,” he says, “We need to stay calm. You’re about to pick up my brother from the hospital. God knows what happened to him, but I don’t think that this is the best option for Kurt. He comes home and finds his father yelling.”

Carole nods in agreement. They’re all still in shock. Burt sighs and leaves. The only thing Finn and Carole can do is wait.

Carole checks her phone every ten minutes, waiting for updates. Nancy has promised Carole to keep her up to date on the investigation, but Carole hasn’t heard from her yet. Despite Burt’s mistrust, Carole knows she can rely on the hospital to figure this out.

Otherwise…

Carole doesn’t want to think about the consequences. Not for her, but for all her colleagues who had nothing to do with this.

“Mom.”

Carole turns to face her son. She hasn’t seen Finn this anxious in ages. “What is it, Finn?”

“What if he doesn’t remember us?”

“He will.”

* * *

He won’t.

* * *

Kurt doesn’t understand what’s happening. According to his dad, the woman and her giant son are his family now. It’s been over a week since Kurt got back from the hospital, and nothing makes sense. His dad has explained what has happened a couple of times, but Kurt still can’t wrap his head around the fact that he has memory loss.

He doesn’t remember the group of teenagers that came to visit him.

He doesn’t remember living in this house. What happened to his basement room in his old house?

He absolutely doesn’t remember his dad getting married. Her name is Carole, and she seems nice, but that’s all Kurt knows. Her son is terrifying, but everyone keeps saying it’s okay.

Lying down on his bed, he still doesn’t feel at ease. He knows there’s still something missing. Something no one wants to tell him.

But what? Or maybe… who?

* * *

Blaine watches from the doorframe. Kurt is lying all by himself and Blaine wishes he could join him. But Kurt can’t see him again. He can’t hold him again.

He also can’t hear Blaine anymore. Blaine found out the minute Kurt ignored his warnings. Blaine knows it was his dad, but he will never be able to tell Kurt. When his dad came to visit Kurt, Blaine wanted to scream at him.

Deep down he knows that his dad only wanted to help, but Blaine knows that his father’s way of helping people can ruin others. Right now, he ruined the Hummel-Hudson family.

“Hey Kurt?” Finn appears next to Blaine.

“Hm?”

“Your dad is waiting for us,” Finn says. Blaine notices he’s nervous. Blaine’s never really wanted to speak to anyone except for Kurt, but right now he wants to tell Finn that it’s okay. Kurt is still Kurt, deep down there.

“Coming,” Kurt says, but he doesn’t move. Finn opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it and leaves. It’s a sorry sight. Finn and Kurt were finally becoming brothers, and now they have to start again.

Blaine curses his dad under his breath. What he did hit this family like an earthquake and sure, Burt and Carole got Kurt out of that stupid hospital as soon as possible, but every earthquake leaves aftershocks.

Kurt’s still lying there and Blaine starts to sing

 _They’ve managed to get rid of me,_  
_Returned me to the grave_  
_ECT, electric chair, we shock who we can’t save._  
_They’ve cleared you of my memory and many more as well._  
_You may have wanted some of them but who can ever tell?_

He leans away from the doorframe and makes his way to the bed.

 _Your brainwaves are more regular, the chemistry more pure._  
_The headaches and the nausea will pass and you’ll endure._  
_You friend is gone forever though, of that the doctor’s sure._  
_The memories will wane,_  
_The aftershocks remain._  
_You wonder which is worse, the symptom or the cure._

Kurt finally sits up, but he’s staring at nothing. He’s not looking at Blaine, but that’s because Kurt can’t see him.

 _They’ve managed to get rid of me, I’m gone without a trace,_  
_But sear the soul and leave scar no treatment can erase._  
_They’ve cut away the cancer but forgot to fill the hole._  
_They moved me from your memory, I’m still there in your soul._

Blaine shakes his head. He wants to put his hand on Kurt’s. He wants to show Kurt that he hasn’t gone anywhere, but he knows it’s no use.

 _Your life goes back to normal now, or so they all believe._  
_Your heart is in your chest again, not hanging from your sleeve._  
_They’ve driven out the demons and they’ve earned you this reprieve._  
_The memories are gone._  
_The aftershocks live on._

He looks at the door. Finn was there just a couple of minutes ago.

_But with nothing to remember  
Is there nothing left to grieve?_

Kurt sighs and gets up. He stops in the doorframe and looks back. “With nothing to remember…”

* * *

Burt Hummel sues the hospital. They win.

Yet, he isn’t satisfied. He won’t be satisfied till his son regains his memories. According to the hospital, they’re still there, but they’re stuck. It’s up to him, his family and the glee club to get them back.

In the second week that Kurt is home, they reintroduce all his friends. It’s a bit awkward, because Kurt has no idea who they are. Yet, the New Directions are his family.

But he doesn’t like Quinn, Brittany and Santana’s attitudes.

Puck creeps him out.

Rachel annoys him.

He’s afraid Artie might roll over his feet.

And the others are just weird.

Burt knows that they are all weird, but he knows the glee club’s dynamic too. Kurt just has to get to know them again. That’s why he spend the third week shopping with the girls, gaming with the guys and singing with all of them.

Kurt starts to like them, but he still doesn’t remember them.

Every dinner, Burt, Carole and Finn go through pictures together. Kurt is still a little bit shy when he’s around Finn and Carole, but he laughs out loud when Carole tells him the story of Finn’s first driving lesson. He hit the mailman.

When Finn wants to show him a picture of Blaine when they were still little kids, Burt stops him. Finn shoots him a questioning look, but Burt just shakes his head. He will always love Blaine Anderson, but Burt cannot deny that Kurt is in this state because of him.

In the fourth week, Kurt goes back to McKinley half-time. Emma Pillsbury is keeping an eye on him. The bullies are being scared away by local authorities and Burt. Burt is a kind man, but he has a scary side. The school has seen it.

The Hummel-Hudson family and the New Directions are slowly accepting that Kurt might never get his memories back, but then the fifth week happens.

* * *

The doorbell rings and Kurt knows it’s Rachel, his brother’s annoying girlfriend. According to Finn, he and Rachel are friends, but Kurt doesn’t get why.

“Yet,” everyone keeps reminding him.

Finn’s blasting music from his room, so Kurt isn’t surprised Finn hasn’t heard the bell. Reluctant, he makes his way downstairs to open the door. But then he hears something. He looks through the small window and sees Rachel twirling on the doorstep.

He opens the door and Rachel immediately stops singing. “Oh, hi Kurt!” she smiles sweetly.

“What were you doing?” Kurt asks.

“Uh… I was singing and dancing? I thought you had already realised by now that I’m extremely talented,” she says seriously.

“Could you… do that again?”

Happy with Kurt’s enthusiasm, she performs a part of a song right there on the doorstep.

After she’s done, Kurt lets her in and watches her go upstairs. Something is going on, but Kurt doesn’t know what. He’s feeling weird.

The way she dances and sings reminds Kurt of something.

Or someone.

* * *

“Where are you going?” Rachel yells, but Finn keeps running. He needs to get out of the house. Rachel came over to comfort him, but Rachel can be Rachel. She accidentally says the wrong thing and tears everything apart.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it!” she yells as Finn gets in the car.

He doesn’t turn back. Instead, he drives and drives and drives. He keeps driving for a while, not really going anywhere.

He knows that Rachel meant well, but Rachel’s intentions are often not good enough. Rachel tried to calm him, but instead she flat out told him that Kurt and Finn weren’t meant to be brothers. “Otherwise he would’ve gotten his memories back, right?”

Finn should’ve told her that she isn’t a great friend either, otherwise Kurt would have remembered her. But he was frozen. And by the time he felt like he could think rationally again, he was already in the car.

The last couple of weeks have been hectic. Well, hectic is an understatement.

Burt and his mom have tried to explain what is going on and they have tried to include him, but he knows that they’re still keeping many things from him. Which is unfair. Kurt is his brother and it doesn’t matter what Rachel says, they are meant to be brothers.

Then, Finn has an idea.

He immediately turns around and drives home. He’s happy to see that Rachel has left, because he doesn’t need her to spill his plans to his mom and Burt. He goes through all the photo books he can find, till he finds a decent picture.

It’s a photo of Kurt and Blaine when they were kids. Finn takes it out of the photo book.

* * *

Kurt is calling Mercedes. Over the past couple of weeks, he has connected with her the most. She’s funny, she’s fashionable, and she has a killer voice.

And the story of him pretending to like  _Rachel_  is hilarious.

He listens to Mercedes’s ramblings about glee club. There’s a lot of history he can’t remember, so Mercedes volunteered to tell him everything. Right now she’s talking about the baby drama with Quinn, Finn and Puck.

He enters his room, still listening.

At first he doesn’t notice the photo on his pillow.

“He kicked a chair?” he asks, shocked. He never thought Finn could be so impulsive. The Finn he knows is always kind and gentle. Or maybe he changed after Kurt woke up.

According to Santana, a lot of people changed after that.

“Oh, he was known for kicking chairs,” Mercedes tells him.

“Hmmm,” Kurt hums and moves towards his bed. He wants to lie down. But when he does, he feels that there’s something on his pillow.

“Hey Mercedes, hang on a second…”

* * *

Burt is home early. Lately, he hasn’t been in the right mood to stay at the garage for longer than a couple of hours.

Kurt’s car is in the driveway.

Finn’s is nowhere to be seen, but he’s probably at Rachel’s or at Noah’s.

“Kurt?” he calls out when he enters the house. No reaction. That is never a good sign.

Burt decides not to panic. He slowly goes upstairs to Kurt’s room and knocks on his door. He’s about to ask if he can come in when he hears a sob. Without hesitation, he opens the door and rushes inside. His son is sitting on his bed, phone lying next to him, and he’s holding a photo.

Burt has a bad feeling about this.

“Bud?”

“…Dad.”

“Are you-”

“Who is this?” he hands Burt the photo, and Burt’s stomach falls. It’s a photo of Kurt and Blaine. They’re holding each other and they’re making funny faces.

Unbeknownst to Kurt and Burt, another person enters the room.

“How did you get this?”

“It… It was lying on my pillow. That’s me, right? Me, before my mom died. But that other boy… who is he?”

“He’s- He’s no one,” Burt lies, “An old friend of yours. You haven’t seen him in a decade.”

“But dad,” Kurt doesn’t meet his father’s eyes, “That can’t be right. I remember him very well.” Burt’s heart beats faster.

But Kurt isn’t looking at his father. He’s talking to himself. “He… He was my best friend. We played tag all day. My mom loved both of us. I loved his family-”

“Kurt, please stop.”

“-his room is beautiful. We had sleepovers there all the time. We watched Disney movies. He loved the Little Mermaid, but he never got why he liked Eric more and why he wanted to marry him, not Ariel. How could I ever forget?”

“… How could I ever forget,” Burt repeats.

“But he died, didn’t he? He died with my mom.”

Burt closes his eyes.

It’s done.

Kurt remembers him.

“Kurt, why- why would you remember the things that hurt you?”

“It’s just that it doesn’t make sense, because I remember him in his late teens.”

“That’s- that’s impossible,” Burt stutters.

“What… is his name?”

Burt tries to back away, but Kurt jumps off his bed.

“What is his name, dad?”

“Kurt, I can’t- It’s gonna be good, you see?” he tries to get hold of the photo.

“What is his name, dad!”

“It’s gonna be good,” Burt keeps saying. Maybe if he keeps repeating it, Kurt will believe him. Maybe Burt will believe it too. “It’s gonna be fine.”

Kurt steps forward. “WHAT IS HIS NAME? TELL ME HIS NAME!”

Burt gets hold of the photo. They struggle, but eventually Burt gets hold of it again. He isn’t thinking clearly. Without a beat, he tears the photo apart. Kurt immediately lets go. He seems disgusted.

“Burt!”

Kurt and Burt turn around. Carole, Finn and Rachel are standing in the doorway. Finn shakes his head and runs away. Rachel follows him.

Carole wants to say something, but Kurt is first. “Why stay?” he yells

* * *

“Why stay?” Finn yells as he kicks his chair, “Can’t you see the mess I’m in, Rachel? Why stay? When my mom married Burt, I was happy. I was genuinely happy when my mom married Burt. I was going to have a family again.”

“Finn-”

“I never signed up for this, Rachel. I never- I mean I knew that Kurt still had some problems with his mother’s death, but I never wanted this. I am a mess, Rachel, I am a mess.”

Finn falls down on his bed and tries not to cry. Rachel scoots closer.

“Finn Christopher Hudson, this is a mess, but you’re not a mess,” she says, “And I made you a promise, a promise I can’t break. I know I say stupid stuff sometimes, but I will never, ever, leave you for this. None of this is your fault, get it?”

Finn turns to Rachel.

“You mean it?” The look on his face breaks Rachel’s heart.

“Yes,” she says, “Yes I do.”

* * *

“…and  _that_  is why I’m staying. I’m your dad, Kurt.”

Blaine has to admire Burt for this. This is all his father’s fault, but Burt manages to somewhat handle it. But Blaine is done with waiting. He wants Kurt back.

When he entered the room when Kurt showed his father the photo, he never expected this chaos. Is it bad that he is still a bit happy that there’s a chance Kurt will see him again? He never meant to harm this family, but he did.

He starts to sing, with no intention of someone hearing him.

 _I am more than memory_  
_I am what might be I am mystery_  
_Come closer_  
_Come closer_

But someone does. “Dad, oh god dad!”

 _I am old as time_  
_I’m forever young_  
_I am every song that will stay unsung I’ll find you_  
_Remind you_

He dares to move closer. Kurt’s gaze is following every step he takes.

“What, what is going on?” Burt looks around, but he still can’t see Blaine. “There’s nothing there, Kurt. It’s okay.”

“Burt?” Carole tries to reach out, but Burt’s face falls. Kurt keeps backing away.

Blaine can’t help it. He smiles.

 _Until you name me_  
_you can’t tame me_  
_This is one old game_  
_I can play so well_

“No!” Burt yells as Kurt runs upstairs.

“Finn, Finn!”

 _I’m alive I’m alive_ __  
I am so alive  
_And the medicines failed_  
_And the doctors lied_

“We can call your doctor, we can fix this! Kurt?” Burt calls out, but Kurt’s already in Finn’s room. Blaine follows him.

_I’m alive I’m alive  
I am death defied_

Burt is crying in Carole’s arms.

_I’m alive  
So alive_

“Where are you going? We were talking!” Rachel yells after Kurt and Finn.

“I have to take Kurt to the doctor, I’m sorry, Rachel!”

“But… I can drive you!”

“No you can’t!”

_I’m alive_

_I’m alive_

_I’m alive_

* * *

Finn is waiting in the car for him, but Kurt is yelling at his doctor. All that’s been done for him has been bad. “You cannot walk out, Kurt,” the doctor tries.

But Kurt doesn’t look back. “I never consented to this in the first place!”

Blaine nods.

“Come back!”

But Kurt doesn’t. Instead he runs outside towards Finn. Finn is shocked to see him. “Already done?”

Kurt nods and steps into the car. “Yes, and done forever.”

“Kurt-”

“Spare me your shit, Finn, and take me home. I need to go somewhere.”

But Finn doesn’t start his engine.

“Can we… talk?” he asks.

Kurt has never seen Finn so nervous. He remembers Finn before his treatment, and he remembers Finn after it, but Finn has never been like this.

“Are we family?” he asks, and Kurt feels his heart break.

“Why do you ask?”

“So we’re not?” Finn’s eyes widen, “But I thought-” Kurt stops him.

“Why do you ask? I thought it was obvious that we are,” Kurt says.

“But… But after everything that has happened, how can we be?” Finn asks, sounding desperate, “How can we be a family when I still don’t know what is going on?” He looks away.

“I get what you mean,” Kurt says solemnly, “How can we be a family when we don’t have a normal life?”

Finn is silent. Kurt’s about to say something when Finn looks back at him.

“I don’t need a life that’s normal. That’s way too far away. But something next to normal would be okay,” he says and he tries to smile. Kurt returns the smile. “Yeah, something next to normal. That’s the thing I’d like to try. Close enough to normal to get by.”

“We’ll get by,” Kurt reaches for Finn’s hand.

“We’ll get by,” Finn says back.

They hug. Finn has his arms wrapped around his brother. His actual brother. “But now, I need to go home to pack,” Kurt says.

* * *

“What are you doing?” Blaine shouts worriedly when he sees Kurt packing his things.

“Anyway, I’m leaving,” Kurt says, not looking at him.

“And you decided to tell me this just now?” Blaine asks, sounding disbelieved. He crosses his arms and leans in the doorframe. “Where are you going?”

“New York,” Kurt answers flatly.

“Kurt, are you planning on looking at me?” Blaine asks. He’s starting to lose his patience. “What is going on here? You can’t just leave!”

“Oh yeah?” Kurt yells angrily, “Watch me, Blaine, I can do what I want.”

Blaine’s taken aback by the shouting. “Kurt, you’re my best friend. I just need you to tell me what is going on. I’m not mad at you- are you mad at me?”

Kurt sighs deeply, anger leaving him. “I can never be angry at you,” he admits, “But don’t you see?” And he finally looks at his best friend. “I’m eighteen years old, I’m ready for something new. I need to go out there and leave this behind. I need to leave you behind.”

“But…” Blaine tries to say something, but he knows what is happening. He leans away from the doorframe and he slowly makes his way to his best friend- maybe more than best friend. Ever after the treatment, they haven’t talked about  _it_ yet.

But they have to, especially now that Kurt is moving to another state.

“What about us?”

Kurt shakes his head. “There is no us,” he says with a brave-face, but Blaine knows better. There is an ‘us’ somewhere, he knows it and so does Kurt.

“Kurt…”

“Blaine, can’t you see,” he says, “I need to go. I need to leave everything. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I couldn’t, because I found out myself only half an hour ago.”

He steps closer and puts his arms around his best friend. His best friend. Nothing more, apparently- not anymore. “You’ve been so amazing, Blaine,” Kurt murmurs, “You’ve been the best friend I’ve ever had in this world. You were the light of my life, but I need to accept the fact that you’re dead. Step one is going away.”

Blaine doesn’t hug back.

Kurt eventually pulls away and just takes his hands. “Blaine, you died ten years ago. You went away with my mom when the that driver hit us when I was eight.”

“I know I did,” Blaine says, sounding urgent, “I never denied my death, Kurt. You did! But please, listen to me, I’m begging you- think about this.”

Kurt, who’s started crying, just shakes his head.

“I love you.”

He lets go of Blaine’s hands and steps back.

“C-Can I at least get a kiss goodbye?” Blaine asks, voice wavering.

Kurt shakes his head. “I’m sorry, that would make me stay,” he says regretfully. Instead, he gives him a small pat on the shoulder. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye,” Blaine says, still crying.

Kurt steps out of him room, ready to go. He needs to tell his dad first, and then he needs to make it in time to catch the bus to the airport. He turns around one last time.

Blaine is nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Burt is reading a sports magazine when his son enters the room, holding a suitcase. Burt looks up from his magazine and eyes the suitcase.

“Are you going somewhere?” he says jokingly, but Kurt doesn’t crack a grin. In fact, he looks dead serious.

“Yes, as the matter of fact,” Kurt says, “I’m going to New York. Right now.”

Burt just laughs and puts away his magazine. “Kurt, I know we have rules in this house, and I know that we never implied we have a ‘don’t leave the state without permission’ rule, but I thought it was kind of obvious.”

Again, Kurt doesn’t grin, he doesn’t smile.

“Dad, I’m leaving,” Kurt states, still looking serious.

The only thing Burt can do after that is gape. Kurt puts down his suitcase and takes his dad’s hand. “Dad, I’m leaving for New York,” he says, “My entire life this place, Lima, has held me back. It only reminds me of what I’ve lost. I can’t do this anymore, I have to go. I have to leave, find a new way of life. I need a new start.”

“Is this about Blaine?” Burt asks before Kurt can continue, “Are you leaving because of Blaine? Are you doing this for Blaine?”

Kurt almost said yes, but he stopped himself. He considers saying: “Partially,” but that isn’t the answer either. Eventually, he says: “No, I’m doing this for myself.”

He knows that he is killing his dad by doing this, but his dad doesn’t understand. This place, Lima, the Anderson House, everything… it has been his comfort zone for too long. And because of that, Kurt never realised what it really was: a reminder.

A reminder of every bad thing that has happened in his life.

The death of his mother and best friend, the bullying, the pain.

His dad looks away and Kurt can see tears rolling down his cheeks. He’s not surprised. “Dad,” he says and he crouches next to him, “If you love me, let me go, please. I don’t need NYADA. All I need is New York. That is where I belong.”

Burt takes both of his hands, and squeezes them.

Kurt sees that as a yes. He gets up, kisses his father’s bald head and picks up his suitcase. He looks back one last time.

“By the way, Blaine’s father consented to my treatment.”

He leaves before his father can react.

He _leaves._

* * *

The door opens and Burt hears someone coming in. He knows it isn’t Carole, so he hopes it’s Kurt. Kurt, coming back and telling him that he isn’t leaving after all.

But it isn’t Kurt.

It’s Finn.

“Burt?” Finn asks when he sees his stepfather sitting alone in his chair, magazine long forgotten, “Where is everyone? Where is mom?”

Burt can’t tell him, not yet. If he does, it’ll become real.

Finn must’ve noticed that something is troubling him, because he awkwardly shuffles back to the door. “Uh, so, okay,” he says, “I’m just going upstairs. I’m going to Puck later, so I’ll just get my stuff. I’ll come down when I’m done, okay?” Burt doesn’t react, so Finn just leaves.

Burt is sitting alone in the dark, thinking. He can’t believe his son is gone. Sure, he isn’t dead like Elisabeth or Blaine Anderson, but it won’t be the same anymore. His son is probably already boarding a plane to New York.

Now Burt realises that he should’ve stopped him to talk about his life there- school? Work? Place to live? When Kurt announced his leave, he was too dumbfounded to actually ask. He’s about to reach for the phone when he hears Finn coming down the stairs.

Maybe he should tell Finn first. Finn has the right to know. They’ve never really told him anything- the Blaine situation came out of nowhere for him. But now Burt knows that he can’t do that to him again. Finn is also his son.

The door opens and Burt turns to Finn, ready to explain.

But it isn’t Finn.

Standing in the doorway, holding the door handle, is a boy he has never seen before- but yet he immediately recognises him.

“Hi Burt,” Blaine says softly.

“Go away,” Burt says angrily. But honestly, he’s afraid. Blaine is dead- he’s been dead for ten years, just like Lis, but yet, here he is in his late teens.

“Long time no see.”

“You aren’t real,” Burt insists, “You don’t exist.”

“I know you know who I am,” Blaine says slowly.

“I told you to go away,” Burt turns his back to him. He doesn’t want to know what’s going on. He just wants him gone.  _This can’t be real_ , he thinks and closes his eyes,  _he is dead._ “Because of you, my eldest son has left without telling me first. Because of you, Kurt had to live this curse for a decade. Because of you, he never got better.”

“I love your son,” Blaine states, and Burt rapidly shakes his head. He doesn’t want to hear this.

“You do?” he laughs bitterly, “Then why did you do this to him?”

“Don’t think for a second that I wanted him to leave,” Blaine voice cracks. That convinces Burt to turn around. “Don’t think for a second that I wanted this to happen. All I wanted was for Kurt to be happy. All I wanted was being a friend to him, maybe more.”

Blaine is crying.

Burt doesn’t know what to do.

He has heard his son talk about the seventeen-years-old version of Blaine Anderson, right after Kurt admitted that Blaine was still around. He always thought Kurt was seeing a ghost- hell, he doesn’t even know if he ever really believed his son.

But he never expected this. Blaine looks  _alive_.

For a second, even Burt believes that Blaine is alive, but then he remembers his funeral. Then he remembers he’s not.

“Then why didn’t you go with him?” Burt manages to say. Blaine wipes away his tears and takes a deep breath.

“Because I’m holding on,” he says, voice still wavering, but a bit stronger. He leaves his place in the doorway and reaches out for Burt. “And I won’t let go.” He takes his head.

“Let me go,” Burt says coldly.

“I am the one who held you. I am the one who cried. I am the one who watched while you died.” Burt starts tearing up again. “I am the one who loved you. I tried pretending that I don’t give a damn, but you’ve always known who I am.” Blaine sighs deeply. “I just want you to know what I’m here for you.”

That breaks Burt. He knows that Carole is here for him. He knows that Finn is here for him. Hell, even the Anderson family is here for him in a very twisted way. But no one understands Burt like this. No one loves Kurt like he does.

Except for Blaine.

He doesn’t know if this is real. He doesn’t know if his mind is finally playing the same tricks as Kurt’s mind has been playing on his for ten years, but for now… he doesn’t care.

Burt looks away and allows himself to wail. He cries and cries and cries. Eventually he looks back to Blaine. “Blaine,” he says, “Blaine Anderson.”

Blaine just nods.

Suddenly, they hear the front door open, and without a word, Blaine leaves.

“Burt, are you home?” It’s Carole.

“Burt! Why are you standing alone in the dark?” she says when she enters the living room, “Where’s Finn?” At that moment, they hear Finn slumping on the second floor. “Ah,” Carole says, “And where is Kurt?”

Burt doesn’t react.

“Burt, where is Kurt?”

Silence.

But Carole understands.

“Kurt is gone, uh?”

Burt nods.

Carole cups his face and presses a kiss on his cheek. “It’s okay, Burt, it’s okay.” She looks around. “He’ll be there, and we will be there too, but first we need some light.” She turns around to turn on the lights.

“First of all, we need some light.”

* * *

Kurt breathes in the fresh New York air.

He looks around and sees Time’s Square. He’s home.

For a moment, his mind allows himself to wander to the thoughts of his dad, Lima, and most importantly: Blaine.

But he pushes the latter away. Sure, he will always remember Blaine Anderson, his best friend-maybe-more-than-that, but he knows that he made the right decision.

He grabs his suitcase.

“Kurt Hummel is here!”

He says and he walks the road that leads to Broadway.

**Author's Note:**

> And that’s it, folks.
> 
> Again, if you’re familiar with Next to Normal, you know all characters are loosely based on characters from the musical (Kurt as Dianna, Burt as Dan, Finn as Nathalie, Blaine as Gabe with less evil intentions, Rachel vaguely as Henry).
> 
> Also, let’s pretend Blaine has a happy ending in his own way.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
